I’ve taken a break from social media and that means I’ve taken a step back and have been trying to figure out why I post what I post or do what I do. And I realize my love for this blog has faded because it felt like my words always had to be cheerful or sweet (and in person) when honestly, life is dark and sometimes we have to talk about the real stuff. So in that vein…

It’s been a surreal 24 hours in LA…heck for the world. Kobe Bryant is gone and it just doesn’t feel real. To be honest, I was never a Laker fan or much of a Kobe fan as a Warriors and Celtics fan. There was many a time as the minority Celtics fan in college, I was shunned to the corner of the room as I wore my green in a room of purple and gold. But even as I was cheering for the opposing team, I understood (and still understand) the greatness that is Kobe Bryant. I, too, feel the weight of his loss.

It’s sobering to be reminded of our mortality and how one day when it’s our time to go, we will no longer exist on this earth and the world will just keep going…without us.

I’ve been in my thoughts more than usual the last 24 hours and I keep thinking about how just a few days ago, in my Lifegroup, we were discussing what would be in our eulogy. It sounds like such a morbid topic, but Pastor Albert spoke the week prior that when people die, they aren’t remembered for what they did; they are remembered for who they were. So he said who are you?

Now bringing it back to Kobe. His passing has brought up all the memories and good words from people who played with him, worked with him, grew up with him, etc. But the words being said aren’t just that he’s one of the greatest basketball player of all times, most of the words have been how he’s an amazing father and husband, how he worked to help those in need, how he was a teacher and mentor and all of these accolades of him as a person and not just how many points he scored in his 20 year career.

So I know I am no Kobe Bryant, but one day I’ll pass and what will be said about me? I also think about not just what will people who actually know me say about me, but how about the pharmacist that I see every month to pick up medication or the mom that I helped install her car seat at a tradeshow years ago. Also I think about how much time am I dedicating to the people I care about and at the same time, how much energy and time that I waste on not so great people or situations.

We know that death is inevitable, yet, a lot of us (myself included) take the present day for granted. Lord knows, I’m usually on the anxiety train of worrying about what’s happening tomorrow, next month or even trying to make plans for next New Year’s Eve (yes, this is a true story…and I’m aware that I need to take a chill pill). And hearing the news yesterday that it was just a normal commute day and then that was it. How often do I head out the door and just say “see you later, love you” and I do expect to see them later…but it’s not a given that it will.

So I’m taking this moment to 1) be sad – I didn’t know Kobe, but there is so much sadness for a son, husband and father who is no longer here 2) call my loved ones more often – I’m quite the talker, but I can also get busy or tired and I think “I can call them later” and then days pass…and life is too short to not let them know they are loved by me and lastly 3) be present – this is my mantra for 2020 and my goal is be HERE in this moment in all my feelings whether it be happiness, sadness or all the feelings in between.