I realize after posting my latest blog about my friend’s bachelorette, I mentioned being pregnant, but never officially wrote my pregnancy blog post and all the emotions and feelings that went into it and are still going through so here we are now!
If you’ve been following on my social, we made the big announcement that we’re expecting a month ago and I was excited to share the good news, but also so nervous! As many of you know this is definitely our rainbow after the storm as I’ve struggled with grief of our miscarriage last year and learning how to pick up the pieces. We decided to start trying a few months after our lost and to be honest with every negative test result, it felt like my heart was breaking again. So imagine my shock when I saw that second faint line!
I, of course, took 3 more tests to be sure and then I started to bawl. My tears were of joy of this miracle, but also of fear of what can happen. We decided to keep this our little secret just because we didn’t want to get too excited so in a way we were protecting ourselves. Side note: my husband has been such a rock through this as the ups and downs of trying to conceive can definitely take a toll on a relationship. He would remind me that it’s in God’s timing and that we chose a life together even if it didn’t mean kids right away so we held onto hope. For the entire first trimester (and still some in my second) was a lot of anxiety so daily I would tell myself “I am not in control – God’s plan, not mine” and then I would recite to myself the mantras below:
It wasn’t until the second appointment when we saw our little gummy bear on screen that we started to allow ourselves to really be excited! Hearing the baby’s heartbeat was music to my ears and still is! It’s amazing (and a little trippy) to know you’re growing a little human inside of you! Of course the worries came day to day, but the excitement also grows with each passing day.
When we started to share the news, it was such an outpour of love for us and for our baby! It was such a reminder of the village we have cheering us on and supporting us. Now as we’re a little over halfway with this pregnancy do I still have worries? Yes, of course because I’m eager for the baby to be here and for me to visibly be able to see and hold our child. Granted that also comes with a different set of worries like keeping the baby alive and so on! However I’m also trying to be present in this pregnant space and enjoy these days with my husband because our life is going to change tenfold as we become a family of 3 xo